It rarely happens that I use my blog as an outlet for sharing personal thoughts, but today is different and though I know not many may read this, it's just nice to have a place to talk about it.
I began the week with it all planned out: the weekend filled with commitments, but from Monday-Thursday, mental preparation and relaxation for this weekend's marathon. Little did I know that my stress level would skyrocket during the week with unforeseen news and questions. Without going into great detail, this week turned into days of "why?" and "how come?" questions about my life. Until this week, I never felt uneasy about how much I have accomplished to date and what I would do in the future. I had a plan...a bright future that I have always been working towards. Obstacles have been but a mere speedbump to the success I knew I was sure to gain in the next five years. But, with a huge wrench tossed into the mix, I now don't feel quite as happy with myself as I thought. Perhaps I have not accomplished as much as it seemed in the past and maybe my running is all for nothing. It's funny how a few words from someone can turn your world upside down.
So now, I ask myself, "Joanna, are you happy with the path that you are on? Can you do more?" Perhaps it's not doing more, maybe it's finding and remembering what makes me happy that will help me discover a better person inside me who can achieve my goals. And a quick note to myself and to you: everyone is on a different timeline, so not being first is not always a negative.
It stinks to be unhappy and question yourself just because someone said a few things.
joanna -
ReplyDeletei completely understand where you are coming from. i've felt the same more often than not.
and i suppose this is easier said than done but try not to let what others think of you ... or say about you, bring you down.
it's a good thing to ask yourself if you are happy and look at ways to make yourself happy, set goals and improve yourself ... BUT you need to do it for you. no one else.
i also think that more and more this world pushes us to be constantly 'on'. pushing us from one thing to the next. to be the best. to accomplish more. but i often wonder what it's all for.
i think we all need to take time for ourselfs and our family and friends. yes it's important to have goals and do well, but at what cost.
i'm probably not being very helpful, but hang in there. and do what you need to do for you. no one else.
Sorry you had such a rough week, especially while you were amidst final preparations for the marathon. I think all of us, more often than not, doubt ourselves, what we have accomplished and what we have the ability to do. It really does suck that just a few words from someone can conjure up those kinds of thoughts.
ReplyDeleteAs a friend, I can tell you that you've accomplished so much this far in your life and you are full of ambition and creativity that most people only dream of having. Keep doing what your doing and don't change a thing! We all love you for who you are.
Best of luck on Sunday!!! :)